Questions on Male Sexual Thoughts, Activities, and Practices


(1g) Q:   Usually it is very simple for me to get an erection. Looking at a sexy girl get naked can easily get me up. I recently met a new girl which is very sweet. I like her and care about her a lot. She also feels the same about me. She also experiences a high level of physical attraction for me. However, it is so difficult for me to get an erection for her. Maybe I have too many emotions for her?
459 A: I think you almost answered your own question. Most likely, you are really concerned about her opinion of you. You are so taken back by her looks and your feelings for her, she has become something more than a "sexy" object. Your emotions just might mean you are more in love than ever before. I would just give the relationship time. A lot of anxiety, nervousness, worry, and frustration can accompany love. Or the total opposite could be true. Maybe she is a shallow sexy sex object with no depth. Or her good looks could be intimidating. You simply have to give it time and allow yourself to feel more comfortable before you make any decisions. Be as honest as possible about your feelings for her.
(2g) Q:   In my recent experiences, I have ejaculated during oral sex after about 45 seconds to a minute. What can I do to stop this? It makes me feel that if I have sex in the future that I will not be able to pleasure the women that I am with.
460 A: Some men do tend to orgasm faster. This will naturally change some as you get older. However, until then, there are ways to prolong sexual activity prior to orgasm. But you have to work with your partner on this task. There are a few techniques to prevent premature ejaculation. One is to stop having sexual contact just long enough for your body to relax, then begin again, stop when you feel like an orgasm is coming, and then being again. Do this with your partner several (or many) times. This is a training technique referred to as the "stop-and-go method". It may take weeks or months to enable your body to desensitize itself long enough to help this problem.
(3g) Q:   I am afraid to kiss girls because I am bad at it. How do I overcome that?
461 A: Whoever told you that you are bad is wrong. Just be gentle. Any decent girl will be just as nervous as you are. You will improve just by getting experience with an understanding partner. And there is no hurry. Believe it or not, there will always be girls to kiss.
(4g) Q:   I know this is obvious, but how damaging is it to fantasize about my sister-in-law?
462 A: Fantasy for such things is actually quite common. Fantasy is just a problem when it becomes a pre-cursor to actions. In other words, just make sure you don't get carried away and start plotting a real affair. Sometimes fathers get really upset if they have an erotic dream about their daughter, which is even worse than having one for a sister-in-law. However, most people have enough self-discipline or restraint so they do not act out on these instinctual urges. Some religions condemn such fantasies, but I think this is more or less a warning to seek guidance before you end up getting yourself into trouble through your actions.
463 FOLLOW UP Q:   You answered part of my question, but what about if my sister-in-law plays a part in my fantasy about her? For example, she talks dirty to me when we are together and it's very clear she would love to do me. Where should I go from here?
A: I don't know. I just hope these little games she is playing does not ruin your marriage. If you love your wife, I would suggest you do not encourage the sister-in-law to talk dirty. But to be honest with you, I'm not sure how serious this is. To answer this type of question, you will have to honestly examine the facts in order to find your own answer that you will be comfortable with. Unfortunately, I cannot interview you in person to help you do this. If it were me, I would take whatever action necessary to protect my marriage, if I still wanted to remain in the marriage. I might tell my sister-in-law that the "joke" or "game" is over. This way you and her can put this issue behind you without being too embarrassed about the whole thing.

(5g) Q:   I have an 11-year-old who recently told me that a friend had shown them a sex toy. My child said they wanted one too. I asked more about this, and then I found a picture from the Internet on my desk. I try to be an open-minded person, but should I get such a thing for my child? Would I be violating any U.S. laws?
464 A: There are age limits (laws) in some states on furnishing young individuals with sex toys. I wouldn't buy it for my child. Even though you probably wouldn't be prosecuted by the law, it could cause a very weird relationship between you and your kid. If he/she explores these toys with a friend around the same age, it might be considered a little taboo by some people. But exploring sex toys with a parent is worse, in my opinion. What if your child told all his/her friends that you bought the sex toy, and in turn, those kids told their parents about it? Sex toys and sex vibrators are adult things and your child can make those decisions for him/herself when they are over 18. If he/she does make those decisions now, he/she can do it without your help. However, there isn't much you can do or say to prevent him/her from discussing these things with their friends. It probably shouldn't be prevented anyway. You should just worry about your reputation in this case. The child will live and learn on their own with your guidance and example. You do not want to discourage your child about asking questions about these sorts of issues in the future. Be very careful not to close any doors regarding future communication with your child about sex, birth control, sexuality, etc. Just be clear that you can't supply him/her with adult toys.
(6g) Q:   When I was very young (around 8 years old), a similarly aged cousin and I would engage in 'mock sex' pretty regularly. It stopped after about one year. There was no penetration but almost everything else. Was this in any way normal? Could this have had any effects on my sexual development?
465 A: It is a rather common occurrence to have play-sex before puberty. As far as your physical sexual development is concerned, there will be no effects. Your psychological sexual development will be affected to some degree based on every sexual experience you have throughout your life. It depends on how you react, re-enact, and how much importance you assign to the experiences that will determine how much each one will affect you.

(7g) Q:   In my recent experiences, I have ejaculated during oral sex after about 45 seconds to a minute. What can I do to stop this? It makes me feel that if I have sex when I'm older, that I will not be able to pleasure the women that I am with.
466 A: Younger men do tend to orgasm faster. This will naturally change some as you get older. However, there are ways to prolong sexual activity prior to orgasm. But you have to work with your partner on this task. There are a few techniques to prevent premature ejaculation. One is to stop having sexual contact just long enough for your body to relax, then begin again, stop when you feel like an orgasm is coming, and then being again. Do this with your partner several (or many) times. This is a training technique referred to as the "stop-and-go method". It may take weeks or months to enable your body to desensitize itself long enough to help this problem.
(8g) Q:   I have a girlfriend that lives with me. She not interested in sex at all, but I am. I'm having anxiety over not having sex, and staying faithful to her.
467 A: That is a big problem. You need to ask her why. Maybe she wants you to marry her before you have sex. Maybe she is not attracted to you. Maybe she is self-conscious of her own body. Maybe she is scared she will get pregnant. Maybe she is scared of sex. Maybe she is frigid due to a bad experience with another man. It could be ANY number of reasons. Let her know you are staying faithful to her but this is a anxiety causing problem for you.
468 FOLLOW-UP Q:   I wrote you before telling you I lived with a girl that didn't want to have sex, and it was giving me anxiety. What are some tips to find out if she doesn't find me attractive, and is just staying with me for financial support?
A: That sounds like a serious issue. You need to have a chat with her to determine what her intentions are. You might want to ask her what she would like to see happen in the relationship a few years from now. Of course, I don't know why you suspect what you do, but you can only find out by asking her, I suppose. Just don't make it sound like she has done something wrong, or that her intentions are wrong, if you aren't sure.

(9g) Q:   Who has a higher sex drive -- males or females?
469 A: The testosterone hormone is responsible for the majority of the sex drive in humans. Both the male and female produce testosterone. However, males produce more than women. Theoretically, men should have higher sex drives due to this fact. However, I believe that the sex drive is also influences by factors such as personality, adrenaline, mood, and past experiences. Therefore, it is possible for some women to have higher sex drives than their male peers.
(10g)

470 Q:   I rape women at parties; is this against the law?
Yes, it is against the law. Very long jail terms are imposed on convicted rapists in almost all parts of the world. More importantly, you are abusing others and ruining yourself. I sincerely hope your question is a just sick idea for a joke. However, I am very aware that there are people who do rape as if it were something like a forceful, arrogant hobby. Others do it because they need serious a serious psychiatric and/or legal intervention.


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