Questions on Male Sexual Thoughts, Activities, and Practices
(1g) Q:Usually it is very simple for me to get an erection.
Looking at a sexy girl get naked can easily get me up. I recently met a new
girl which is very sweet. I like her and care about her a lot. She also feels
the same about me. She also experiences a high level of physical attraction
for me. However, it is so difficult for me to get an erection for her. Maybe
I have too many emotions for her? 459 A: I think you almost answered your own question. Most likely,
you are really concerned about her opinion of you. You are so taken back
by her looks and your feelings for her, she has become something more than
a "sexy" object. Your emotions just might mean you are more in love than
ever before. I would just give the relationship time. A lot of anxiety,
nervousness, worry, and frustration can accompany love. Or the total opposite
could be true. Maybe she is a shallow sexy sex object with no depth. Or her
good looks could be intimidating. You simply have to give it time and allow
yourself to feel more comfortable before you make any decisions. Be as honest
as possible about your feelings for her.
(2g) Q:In
my recent experiences, I have ejaculated during oral sex after about 45 seconds
to a minute. What can I do to stop this? It makes me feel that if I have
sex in the future that I will not be able to pleasure the women that I am
with. 460 A: Some men do tend to orgasm faster. This will naturally
change some as you get older. However, until then, there are ways to prolong
sexual activity prior to orgasm. But you have to work with your partner on
this task. There are a few techniques to prevent premature ejaculation. One
is to stop having sexual contact just long enough for your body to relax,
then begin again, stop when you feel like an orgasm is coming, and then being
again. Do this with your partner several (or many) times. This is a training
technique referred to as the "stop-and-go method". It may take weeks or months
to enable your body to desensitize itself long enough to help this problem.
(3g) Q:I
am afraid to kiss girls because I am bad at it. How do I overcome that?
461 A: Whoever told you that you are bad is wrong. Just be gentle.
Any decent girl will be just as nervous as you are. You will improve just
by getting experience with an understanding partner. And there is no hurry.
Believe it or not, there will always be girls to kiss.
(4g) Q: I
know this is obvious, but how damaging is it to fantasize about my
sister-in-law? 462 A: Fantasy for such things is actually quite common. Fantasy
is just a problem when it becomes a pre-cursor to actions. In other words,
just make sure you don't get carried away and start plotting a real affair.
Sometimes fathers get really upset if they have an erotic dream about their
daughter, which is even worse than having one for a sister-in-law. However,
most people have enough self-discipline or restraint so they do not act out
on these instinctual urges. Some religions condemn such fantasies, but I
think this is more or less a warning to seek guidance before you end up getting
yourself into trouble through your actions. 463 FOLLOW UP Q: You answered
part of my question, but what about if my sister-in-law plays a part in my
fantasy about her? For example, she talks dirty to me when we are together
and it's very clear she would love to do me. Where should I go from here?
A: I don't know. I just hope these little games she is playing
does not ruin your marriage. If you love your wife, I would suggest you do
not encourage the sister-in-law to talk dirty. But to be honest with you,
I'm not sure how serious this is. To answer this type of question, you will
have to honestly examine the facts in order to find your own answer that
you will be comfortable with. Unfortunately, I cannot interview you in person
to help you do this. If it were me, I would take whatever action necessary
to protect my marriage, if I still wanted to remain in the marriage. I might
tell my sister-in-law that the "joke" or "game" is over. This way you and
her can put this issue behind you without being too embarrassed about the
whole thing. (5g) Q:I
have an 11-year-old who recently told me that a friend had shown them a sex
toy. My child said they wanted one too. I asked more about this, and then
I found a picture from the Internet on my desk. I try to be an open-minded
person, but should I get such a thing for my child? Would I be violating
any U.S. laws? 464 A: There are age limits (laws) in some states on furnishing
young individuals with sex toys. I wouldn't buy it for my child. Even though
you probably wouldn't be prosecuted by the law, it could cause a very weird
relationship between you and your kid. If he/she explores these toys with
a friend around the same age, it might be considered a little taboo by some
people. But exploring sex toys with a parent is worse, in my opinion. What
if your child told all his/her friends that you bought the sex toy, and in
turn, those kids told their parents about it? Sex toys and sex vibrators
are adult things and your child can make those decisions for him/herself
when they are over 18. If he/she does make those decisions now, he/she can
do it without your help. However, there isn't much you can do or say to prevent
him/her from discussing these things with their friends. It probably shouldn't
be prevented anyway. You should just worry about your reputation in this
case. The child will live and learn on their own with your guidance and example.
You do not want to discourage your child about asking questions about these
sorts of issues in the future. Be very careful not to close any doors regarding
future communication with your child about sex, birth control, sexuality,
etc. Just be clear that you can't supply him/her with adult toys.
(6g) Q:When
I was very young (around 8 years old), a similarly aged cousin and I would
engage in 'mock sex' pretty regularly. It stopped after about one year. There
was no penetration but almost everything else. Was this in any way normal?
Could this have had any effects on my sexual development? 465 A: It is a rather common occurrence to have play-sex
before puberty. As far as your physical sexual development is concerned,
there will be no effects. Your psychological sexual development will be affected
to some degree based on every sexual experience you have throughout your
life. It depends on how you react, re-enact, and how much importance you
assign to the experiences that will determine how much each one will affect
you. (7g) Q:In
my recent experiences, I have ejaculated during oral sex after about 45 seconds
to a minute. What can I do to stop this? It makes me feel that if I have
sex when I'm older, that I will not be able to pleasure the women that I
am with. 466 A: Younger men do tend to orgasm faster. This will naturally
change some as you get older. However, there are ways to prolong sexual activity
prior to orgasm. But you have to work with your partner on this task. There
are a few techniques to prevent premature ejaculation. One is to stop having
sexual contact just long enough for your body to relax, then begin again,
stop when you feel like an orgasm is coming, and then being again. Do this
with your partner several (or many) times. This is a training technique referred
to as the "stop-and-go method". It may take weeks or months to enable your
body to desensitize itself long enough to help this problem.
(8g) Q:I
have a girlfriend that lives with me. She not interested in sex at all, but
I am. I'm having anxiety over not having sex, and staying faithful to her.
467 A: That is a big problem. You need to ask her why. Maybe
she wants you to marry her before you have sex. Maybe she is not attracted
to you. Maybe she is self-conscious of her own body. Maybe she is scared
she will get pregnant. Maybe she is scared of sex. Maybe she is frigid due
to a bad experience with another man. It could be ANY number of reasons.
Let her know you are staying faithful to her but this is a anxiety causing
problem for you. 468 FOLLOW-UP Q: I wrote you before
telling you I lived with a girl that didn't want to have sex, and it was
giving me anxiety. What are some tips to find out if she doesn't find me
attractive, and is just staying with me for financial support? A: That sounds like a serious issue. You need to have a chat
with her to determine what her intentions are. You might want to ask her
what she would like to see happen in the relationship a few years from now.
Of course, I don't know why you suspect what you do, but you can only find
out by asking her, I suppose. Just don't make it sound like she has done
something wrong, or that her intentions are wrong, if you aren't sure.
(9g) Q:Who
has a higher sex drive -- males or females? 469 A: The testosterone hormone is responsible for the majority
of the sex drive in humans. Both the male and female produce testosterone.
However, males produce more than women. Theoretically, men should have higher
sex drives due to this fact. However, I believe that the sex drive is also
influences by factors such as personality, adrenaline, mood, and past
experiences. Therefore, it is possible for some women to have higher sex
drives than their male peers.
(10g)
470 Q:I rape women at parties;
is this against the law?
Yes, it is against the law. Very long jail terms are imposed on convicted
rapists in almost all parts of the world. More importantly, you are abusing
others and ruining yourself. I sincerely hope your question is a just sick
idea for a joke. However, I am very aware that there are people who do rape
as if it were something like a forceful, arrogant hobby. Others do it because
they need serious a serious psychiatric and/or legal intervention.