Survey - What do you think is the cause of sexual preference / orientation?
Do you think it is possible to change it?

The page below is an archive of old answers.
You can submit an answer to this survey on the Main Page - Cause of Sexual Preference

Male Sexuality Survey Index

Site Index - Home Page male101.com

SEXUALITY: Virgin
GENDER: Male
TITLE: Anonymous

I'm starting to feel a little skeptical about sexuality being biological/genetically determined. I believe it's between 75-99% environmental. I believe it all depends on the environment you grow up in, relationships with your parents & peers, experiences, and the way you view people. For example, I grew up wanting a wife & children when I was an adult and I still honestly do. In my heart I know that's what I want and that's truly who I am. But when I was between the ages of 9 & 10 I had a somewhat sexual experience with a male cousin of mine. Now, who knows what they're actually doing at 9-10 years old? It wasn't actual sex, and our clothes were on all of the times that I remember at least. But my body felt good, so I thought there was nothing wrong with it. But emotionally at the time, I felt uncomfortable and even told my cousin "This is kind of gay. I feel uncomfortable, let's stop." And he told me "It's not gay unless you have your clothes off." So basically since he was about a year and a few months older than me(when I was 9 he was 11), I trusted him and thought that since he was the older one, he was smarter than me. This event happened many times, over a period of a few months. I don't know who started it, but I do know that I was uncomfortable deep down inside, which is why I didn't really want to do it, and even told him a couple times. Until one day, a few months after it stopped, I felt upset and terribly wrong about what had happened so I told my parents. I went to like 2 sessions of therapy to get over it, so I really never understood what went on. Was it my fault? His? Nobody's? Was it normal? So basically I went on with my life, and during the time this was going on my parents started to fight a LOT more, and things at home weren't so well. We were and still are to some extent pretty dysfunctional. Growing up, my Dad was there for me physically, but not emotionally. I told him about what happened with my cousin as well as my mom, but I always felt more comfortable going to my mother than my father. Growing up, I also never really saw the true love between a man and a woman. I never really saw my Dad hug or kiss my mom or even tell her that he loved her. Then, when I was 9-10 my parents told me that they were going to seperate. That truly broke my heart into tiny pieces. I always grew up thinking I had the perfect family and life, and I was terribly wrong. Soon after, I would hear my parents fighting and screaming every day from the time I was about 9 or 10 until about 13-14. My Dad would emotionally, psychologically, and verbally abuse my poor mother. I would hear him call her a "slut", "whore" and tell her she was nothing but garbage, and so many other things that my mind isn't big enough to fully remember. My Dad even sat me in the car at one time and told me what a piece of _____ my mother was, and that she had an affair with a man who I knew very well. But then I told my mom, about what had happened and she told me about my father cheating on her more than once for several months and years, and that he had a huge gambling problem. Growing up, my Dad spent time with me but never really took the true time to do the father-son thing that so many other boys really had. None that I remember at least. When he would try to teach me to play a sport and I gave up, he would easily give up on me and even at times told me "You'll never be anything in life." Things between my mother and him were terrible and I don't know how my mother even survived. All I remember was my mother crying herself to sleep so many times, and all I wanted to do was curl up and cry with her. I loved my mother so much it killed me to see her so upset and miserable. My parents told us at least 3 times that they were going to try and work things out. But then the fighting started again and they went back and forth a lot. I also believe my father was somewhat Bipolar if not, very moody. He would be cursing my mother out one minute, and the next he would be begging her on his knees. I don't mean to come on here and make him sound like a piece of _____, because I know my Dad loves me, but I don't feel it too much. I grew up with lots of boy cousins but was mainly under the influence of my mother, aunt, and grandma. Today my parents are divorced and my 2 brothers and I live with my mom. We see my Dad pretty often, I guess. Maybe once or twice a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. But when we are with him, all he does is tell my brothers and I what I piece of _____ my mother and her family are. He basically brainwashes us and fills our head with all types of terrible things. My brothers and I constantly physically and verbally fight almost every day. I used to fight a lot with my mother as well, and there were times where my mother told me to go live with my father because we were fighting so much. I couldn't go live with my dad because he lived in a small house with his parents(my grandparents). My mother would pack my clothes in a garbage bag and even throw them down the stairs. She would have emotional breakdowns and start screaming, crying, and yelling about how she wanted to die, and even kill herself. But I can't blame her. That poor woman has been through so much in her life, based on what I know. She told me that there are so many other things I don't know about, so I can only imagine how she feels at times. She works very hard to take care of my brothers and I and raise us alone. My Dad still makes it even harder for her and he doesn't even live with us! I fight with my mother a lot less, if ever anymore because I realize that she isn't the horrible person my Dad makes her out to be. My Dad still calls a lot of my Mother's other friends "sluts, pigs, whores, etc." and so much more I can't even begin to tell. My mother even told me "If you really want I will stay with your father, for you kids." I told her "No, it's not fair to you." That killed me right there because I knew that my mother would force herself to live a life of misery just to please her children. I'm so glad that my parents are not together even though the fighting still goes on, and there is still turmoil in my home. I know my Dad loves my brothers and I, but he isn't really capable of showing it. I hate to think of my Dad in a negative way like this, but I just wish he could be a better, real father to my brothers and I. He did a lot with us growing up, but I always sort of felt like something was missing. I remeber my Dad going to "the store" and asking to go with him, and he would tell me no and I would be sitting in the window feeling neglected and like my Dad no longer loved me. He killed whatever we had, as I got older. I'm only 14, and when I grow up, in my heart I know I want a wife and children whom I could love, care for, support, and be happy with. But between the events with my cousin(sexual abuse in a way), my relationship with my Dad, my parents relationship, the entire divorce altogether, and the constant screaming and fighting with my younger brothers every day of my life from the time I was about 10 or 11, hormones/puberty I sometimes feel more sexually attracted to other boys then girls. Don't get me wrong, I find girls hot and attractive, and I'd much rather be with a girl than a guy. But sometimes I feel like I'm trying to find a replacement for my father(which kills me inside), so I look at other guys in a sexual way, because to some extent I feel like I've never actually pleased my father, and maybe I wasn't the son he always dreamed of having which is why I rarely spend quality time with him anymore. And when I do, he bashes my mother and every other woman she knows or is related to. Growing up, I never really enjoyed sports, so maybe that's why he doesn't like me at times? Maybe because I grew up influenced by my mother, aunt, and grandma, rather than my father, uncles, and grandfathers? I'm not a social person, and I really have NO friends. I find myself pretty good looking, but sometimes kids in school call me gay and homo and I don't know if they are joking or serious. I think they're pretty serious. It's not exactly bullying because some/most of these people were and are still nice to me most of the time. But sometimes they really wonder if I'm gay or not, and so do I. I find other guys attractive and imagine sexual things with them, but does that mean I honestly, truly want to be with one? I think the kids say this because of my voice but it's just the way I sound. I have friends in school, but none who I really hang out with. I've also been backstabbed by so many kids who I thought were my friends growing up. I grew up having a crush on girls, and my cousin who I had the experience with, sorta killed that too. He used to torture me in school, and embarass me in front of the girls and I think he did it so I would keep my mouth shut about what happened between us. I really want a girlfriend, and when I'nm older, a wife and kids. But sometimes I feel like I'm more attracted to guys then girls and I hate feeling that way, because something inside me tells me that's not who I am. I think this is all a result of all of these negative, hard times in my life. There are other kids who go through this, and may not feel gay, so why do I? Am I really gay? Am I bisexual? Straight? Is this just a phase or stage I'm going throught due to my traumatic life. I'm going to therapy and hopefully it will help me. But whether I'm gay or not, I want to be with a girl and refuse to have a sexual or romantic relatinship with a man. I NEVER want that. I just feel really scared, nervous, and extremely shy in front of girls that I think I like. It's like I want to go out with them, and when someone tries to hook me up with one, I chicken out. But basically, it's because when I get a girlfriend I want to be with her because I like her, and she likes me, not because someone told her to be my girlfriend. Maybe I'm just a shy guy? But either way, I feel like there's some type of pathological block between me and other girls, even though I want to be with one when I feel I am ready. I just need to keep going to therapy to understand the horrible events in my life, that I never discussed with anyone and hopefully that will heal me. If it doesn't I don't know what will, but I will never give up hope, no matter what anyone tells me or does to me, or whatever happens. But I do know one thing. Sexuality is NOT a choice. I think the way you grow up, who you are under the influence of, the experiences you have, the events that occur, and the way you look at the world and life, shape out who you are in the long run. Some people who feel they are gay or bisexual, just feel comfortable with it, and go out and live a gay or bisexual lifestyle. And that's fine if it's what makes them truly happy inside. But for those who feel gay or bi at times, and are uncomfortable with it, chances are therapy and talking to someone could probably help you. you can't choose what you're attracted to, but you can choose whether to act on it or not. I feel that therapy and developing a friendly relationship with male friends, without any sexual things going on can cure someone. It depends on the person though, and how badly they want to change. I believe anything can be done if you put your mind to it, and pray to God for a change in your life that will bring you full comfort and happiness. Whether it be sexuality change, lifestyle change, etc. I think it's possible for a sexual preference to be cured, and I don't care what you tell me. I just want to be a straight, social, and happy person, and I know I can do it. Besides, I don't feel like a complete homo, it's just a here and there type of things, which I believe is a result of the experiences and events of my life. Changes can always be made, and soon I believe there will be a near complete cure that change sexual orientation in the near future. I believe change is possible, it's whether you choose to get help or not that decides it in the long run.

SEXUALITY: Virgin
GENDER: Male
TITLE: Anonymous

I also agree with the poster two posts above. I believe sexuality is a habit you develop. It's not necessarily a choice though. Sometimes you can feel attracted to almost anyone it's the way you think of it that matters. I think someone can change there sexuality, it's similar to losing an extremely bad habit. But if you continue to have sex and find pleasure with one particular sex, the harder it makes it for you to change. But through therapy, and experimenting with a different gender, you can piece out which you'd rather be with. Sex isn't always the most important thing in a relationship though. It's the true love and friendship that counts, and how much you truly care for and love that person in your heart for who they are. Not just because they are good in bed.

Continued...

Next Archives Page 5   >>>

<<<   Previous Page 3

Intelligent Masturbation Phone Sex Intelligent phone sex fantasies and exploration of erotic masturbation.

Free Hit Counter